Exhaustion is weird and it hits you in waves. I haven’t been sleeping much. My tiny guy is an all-night-sipper. He doesn’t like the bottle and he really just wants to snuggle. I know this is a season, and someday when I’m old and wrinkly I will look back and crave these sleepless nights, but right now I just feel conflicted. I want so deeply to be fully present and enjoy these moments, but in the same breath I want to take a nap—a crazy long siesta! Right now I feel like I am living on both sides of the coin:
I am a blessed woman with more bounty than most: I have laundry for days, a dirty kitchen, and food that will spoil if I don’t pony up and cook it.
I am a stay-at-home Mommy who has the gift of being home with my littles: I can wear my bathrobe all day and no one would notice or even care.
I am around people all the time shuffling my kids from here to there: Sometimes I am lonely even at a ‘playdate’.
I have an education that is priceless and will fuel my future passions: All I will ever do is wipe bums, noses, and bag dog poop.
It’s all about perspective, people! Both sides of the coin are legit—and to a tired Mommy they feel even more real than you can imagine. Like my girl Jen always says, “Boo, the feels ain’t realz!” They might feel HUGE. They might feel like everything in a moment, but that’s when we have to get quiet. That’s when I listen for the voice across the water.
Come to me my weary, daughter. Come find REST. Cast your burdens on Me. Find shelter in my promises. Believe I AM who I say I Am!
As I lay awake at night feeding Torrey, I find great comfort in these sweet words:
I lift my eyes to hills to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
He never sleeps. I can’t even fathom that right now as tired as I am. My good Father never slumbers, He is constantly watching me and caring for me and showering me with His loving-kindness.
I think we have to come to a place where we can acknowledge both sides of the coin. It doesn’t work to just try and pretend our way through living. Some days are just hard. Some days are beyond difficult. Right now our lives are full of so much joy and trial.
I have a friend with a baby in the hospital.
I have a friend who just flew out for a funeral.
My Mom is undergoing another surgery today.
I have a friend working a job that is eating at her soul, but she keeps going hoping that one day she can be home with her children.
I have a friend who is exhausted and just survived a natural disaster.
I have a friend who could be working full-time as a nurse, but she chooses to be home with her little ones.
I have a friend who knows going to her job gives her the breath of fresh air she needs to come home and mother even better.
We are all facing two sides to the same coin, but I think if we can honestly step back, take a deep breath, we will be able to see the other side. We have to stop judging. We don’t know what the other side to someone’s coin looks like. We can guess, speculate, and even share advice…but the only person who can flip your coin is—you!
We are stories still going. There are two sides every coin and our lives, they are priceless. We have to choose where we invest our time and energy, so let’s spend our rich lives well.
So today, wherever you are—flip the coin. Look at the other side and give thanks for what you see.